Parenting and Mental Health
May was Mental Health Awareness month. During times such as this, we typically stop and reflect on our own mental health and how we take care of ourselves. However, for those of us who are parents, it is important for us to stop and reflect on how we teach, support, and mentor our children regarding their mental health. The question then…as parents or caregivers, how do we help our children (of all ages) develop a strong mental health practice?
At Green Shoe, we focus on the 5 core issues: Self-Esteem, Boundaries, Reality, Dependency and Moderation/Spontaneity. These are the same 5 core issues we as parents can instill in our kiddos. These 5 core issues will help them not only develop into functional adults but will also teach them how to take care of their own mental health.
1. Self-Esteem – When we are born, we are born inherently worthy! As we grow, that inherent worth does not, and cannot, change. Teaching our children that no matter what they do, who their friends are, or what grades they make in school will never change that fact. A great way of instilling this in our children can be through affirmations.
Telling them they are:
They are perfectly imperfect
They are a worthwhile and lovable human beings
Every experience I have in life (even the unpleasant ones) contributes to my learning and growth.
And one of my favorites…No one in the world is more important than me as a person. I have a right to take my space in this world. I deserve to be on this planet.
One of the best times to share an affirmation with your child is when they have made a mistake. Mistakes can help us grow and learn. Knowing that our worth does not change can give a child the space to be held accountable and gain any insights from the mistake.
2. Boundaries – As kiddos, boundaries are something we learn directly from our caregivers. They observe how the adults in their lives use appropriate containment or shut themselves off from others. Teaching children that they are in charge of their bodies means that they need to both contain themselves and inform others of their personal boundaries. A great example is when an adult asks a young child if they can give them a hug or high five. This allows the child to choose if and how they want to be touched. This can also give them a frame of reference for when they go to touch others to stop and ask first.
3. Reality – Our reality is a creation of who we are. We develop that reality through our body senses, our thinking, our physical sensations (e.g., “feeling it in your gut”), and our emotions. All those combine into what we make up about our world. As a parent, I am a direct influence on how my child’s reality is created. One key factor in helping children develop this core issue is to teach them that all emotions are okay and to teach them how to appropriately express their emotions. All of the 8 basic emotions (Anger, Fear, Pain, Joy, Passion, Love, Shame, and Guilt) come with gifts that are shared with us when we experience them. With the emotion of Pain, we get the gifts of healing, growth, and awareness. Teaching our kidddos how to express all emotions gives them a voice and the ability for their reality to be heard.
4. Dependency – Dependency is about getting our needs and wants to be met. As parents, it is our job to make sure the 11 basic needs of our kiddos are being met. Part of what this means is teaching our kids how to advocate for themselves and knowing what those needs are. One of the hardest things for kids is being able to differentiate between a need and a want. It is important for them to know they have the right to ask for what they need and to ask for what they want. This does not mean that they will get everything they want, but it is absolutely okay to have and voice those wants.
5. Moderation/Spontaneity - This is a core issue at which kiddos excel. They are the experts in spontaneity and want to connect through spontaneous play and interactions. As parents, we need to not only need to encourage spontaneity but be a part of it. It can be easier with younger kiddos, but as we get older, our spontaneity tends to go away. There is nothing more fun than getting your teenager to be spontaneous or be a part of their world in their play. Now…with spontaneity comes moderation. Knowing when to be spontaneous is just as important as how. Moderation allows us to live in healthy boundaries. Knowing how to flow between the two fosters joy and an ability to connect with loved ones.
The number one way that we can teach our children to make their mental health a priority is to show them. Let them see us taking care of ourselves, setting boundaries with others, engaging in spontaneous play or activities, asking for our own needs and want, and showing that we love ourselves. Have your kiddos explore self-care activities with you so they can determine what they like and want in their life. Hiking, outdoor sports, reading, yoga, praying, and spiritual meditation are some great activities for kids of all ages. I love the quote by Katie Reed , “Self-care is about giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you.” When I give my best as a parent my kids see my joy and learn how to create their own joy and live authentically.
