Types of Grief
There are many experiences that can elicit grief from loss. With each grief there are stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) that we ebb and flow between, and we experience these stages in nonlinear and very personal ways. David Kessler describes grief “as unique as our fingerprint”.
Sometimes these experiences of loss can be sudden or unexpected, sometimes predictable, sometimes prolonged. It is important to remember and honor that losses do not only include death. We may also experience a loss of identity, safety, innocence, peace, autonomy, sleep, ability, meaning, connection, our dreams. How we experience, understand, process, and heal from grief is impacted by our culture and histories. I think about the messages we learn as children about what we/I do when a family member dies or what we do when a family pet dies, or how adults respond when a job is lost, even how the adults respond to divorce/break up. Each instance may elicit a different level of grief that is unique and yet informed by the culture of our homes and our society that existed in our formative years.
Losing identity may stem from a loss of job or role at home, work, or socially. Losing safety can relate to no longer feeling safe physically, emotionally, and even mentally in that one might lose the ability to regulate emotions or not be able to recall important details. Losing autonomy can relate to things such as losing a limb, cognitive function, independence, and the ability to be in control of one’s own life and functioning. Loss of connection can occur with losing communication as well as losing physical closeness such as being in isolation. Loss of ritual can occur when we are unable to engage in routines such as funerals, worship services, peer gatherings, live music, etc. We can also experience collective grief due to a shared experience of loss such as a catastrophic event, pandemic, natural disaster.
There is no time frame for grief and we each move through our own grief at a pace and experience that is individual. Each death or loss, as uniquely as it is experienced, will shape the uniqueness of our experience and process of grief. We may at times have multiple losses that impact us at varying degrees at the same time, which can make our grief experience complicated and may warrant our seeking professional help. There are different levels of care we may need depending on the severity/intensity of our symptoms. For some, reaching out may be to a friend, spiritual leader, or even a local grief support group (hospices can be a great resource for locating information on grief resources). Seeking therapy with an individual therapist may require checking to see who accepts your insurance (check with your insurance company) or if there is an Employee Assistance Program through your work that may connect you with a therapist for therapy. One may also use an online search engine like www.psychologytoday.com to search for available outpatient therapists. In Oklahoma, 211 can be called from any phone for mental health information as well.
