Embracing Imperfection
By Teresa Deck, MS, LPC at Green Shoe Foundation
When the world admires and aims for perfection, imperfection feels like failure. When our early experiences with relationships were based upon being admired for our perfect behaviors, and shamed for our imperfections, we didn’t learn that accepting our imperfections is healthy. In fact, being imperfect is a characteristic of ALL humans, not just the individuals who don’t always make the winning basket, or those who have experienced relationships ending in less than perfect ways. Those endings show us always being perfect is unrealistic. If we expect ourselves to be perfect, it creates emotional and physical stress when our humanity shows up. If we place the unattainable expectation of perfection on ourselves or our family and friends relationship struggles will follow.
Pia Mellody identifies one characteristic of all humans as being perfectly imperfect in her model of Developmental Immaturity. She states that our early childhood experiences help us define who we are and what to expect from the world. We learned to perceive ourselves based upon our behaviors, our mistakes, or by our achievements. Then we judged ourselves as being good or bad based upon those behaviors. If we learned that motivation system in childhood we can still judge or shame ourselves for making a mistake, instead of having self compassion and learning to accept ourselves as being perfectly imperfect.
Mistakes can be instrumental in helping us to accept our humanity and imperfections with humbleness and humility. As we learn to acknowledge and see ourselves as equal in value to others, we have a better chance of accepting our mistakes as a part of our humanness and not see them as a failure. This acceptance places us in the position to love ourselves, to care for ourselves, and to extend that same acceptance to others in our life.
When embracing the reality that I am perfectly imperfect one can find the capacity to navigate the successes and failures without judging ourselves as good or bad. It will help our future endeavors and allow ourselves to take risks and to try new adventures without fear of not being perfect. Learning to make life a journey towards mental well-being requires thoughtful observation of our thoughts, emotions, and life choices. Honor yourself, your uniqueness, including your struggles and your beauty, your perfectly imperfect self.
